User blog:Joeaikman/Cersei Lannister vs Kim Kardashian - Rap Battle
Hey there guys! Hear me Roar, am I right?! So for those of you living under a rock in recent years, Game of Thrones is a very popular (the most popular of all time???) TV series, and has a wide array of characters! For some reason, though, the only one the rest of you twats use is boring old Jon Snow, or Aegon Targaryen, the younger brother of Aegon Targaryen, as he may be known from now on. Fuck off, D&D. Anyways, Cersei Lannister is a pretty badass character, acted really well by Lena Headey. She is an engaging villain and is also engaged to Euron Greyjoy. She also loves nothing more than drinking wine and fucking her brother, or, to mix it up a bit, her cousin. What a badass she is. She has burned entire families alive, made a mother watch her daughter slowly die and rot, and had her undead servant rape a woman for ringing a bell. Pure evil. And yet not quite as despicable as her opponent! Kim Kardashian is the most notable member of the family brought to fame by Keeping up with the Kardashians, and has become a social media and pop culture icon for some reason! She battles Cersei today in a battle of powerful, wealthy women, known for their interactions with their family. Thanks go to TKandMitty and Leandro the mofo for proofreading! Cersei Bend the Knee! The Queen’s Justice shall be swift and direct! Once I break your soul and your will to live just like the internet! I’m the only one who counts! My brothers betrayed me for a Targ! I’ll burn the Kooky Kardashian Klan, just like I did to Mace and Marge! Play the game with me and face a loss before you go on and die! I mean it, Armenian bitch, bring it on and we can see true genocide! You think I wouldn’t harm a girl?! Go complain to President Obama! And ask Ellaria what I think of dishing out long and torturous drama! Except I always win! Whether I’m facing Starks or vapid bimbo distractions! Happily in love with hubby Kanye? Your personality isn’t the attraction! So bend your buttocks before me! You’ll find my foes just tend to vanish! I’ll sink all chance that you had of winning, just like you were Stannis! Kim Kardashian Hey, Dash Dolls! Come and watch me take a pic of this weak bitch! I’m on Game of Thrones, guys! O M G! I simply can’t believe it! I mean, I could have been with Dany, but yolo, I’ll take this one on! Spit ice and fire onto Cersei, who’s sung the last verse of her song! (swish) Move it, honey, I’m the paps most popular person! Pandering to me! You couldn’t Keep up with a Jenner! Let alone Kim, Khloe and Kourtney! Cersei’s fate shouldn’t wait! Can’t we all see what will happen to this dog! Get choked by goldenhanded brother! She bones him?! Oh. My. God! When I get action it ain’t crossing the gene pools with siblings! No! Maybe this Lannister on Lannister is why you have a distorted lil bro! (woah) I’m Gold! You’re out of coin, so better get back to ironing for the bank! The only reason Jaime needs you still is cos he can no longer wank, sister! Cersei Lannister I’m the Strongest Queen of Kingdoms! I Casterly Rock these rhymes! I’ll be sipping on my wine, as a boar goes and mangles your behind! You don’t have an insta-gram of talent! Famous because of your fella! Hand you over to Qyburn for him to experiment on you in the cellar! I bring pain with the weight of Cleganes and maim your shamed name! Goddaughter to an awful footballer famed for bringing disrepute on the game! Hear me Roar! Guards, arrest her! She best hope that I banish her! I’ll leave your whole family extinct if you tussle with this Lannister! Kim Kardashian Oh please! What real power does this pussy even command?! Lose a Hand! I bet you’re even hated in the deepest Westerlands! I’m adored across the globe! You’re abhorred by scores of foes! Tried to intimidate Tyrion, but bitch, you’re the real whore, though! Extinct families? C’mon! The entire Kardashian posse is thriving! This pussy lion’s kids all died because she couldn’t stop conniving! And your uncle? Well, this kinslayer went and secured his doom! But her plot all stinks of poo, just like her dead daddy’s final tomb! Cersei Lannister Your Jenner gender bender antics don’t keep your family in the news! Snorting horseshit and shopping! That’s all you do to get more views! I rule over your West whenever I want him! He is mine to command! The car crash Kardashians will be forced into exile from my lands! So get on your knees and submit! Plead for mercy and you may find it! Maybe I’ll have Ser Gregor press his thumbs under your pretty eyelids! Crush your face to a pulp, then give him your corpse to do with as he will! Or mayhaps I’ll send you to your death with a fall from my windowsill! I’m unpredictable! More plans or plots than Fawkes! I’m explosive! You don’t want people to see your sex tape? Bad news, bitch! I own it! Your wealth is nothing to mine! Nothing! Don’t even step inside my halls! For today the Kardashians will fall! I will stand tall! Burn them all! Kim Kardashian You’ll topple like Tommen! I drop this beat onto King’s Landing streets! You’re dishing out beef with attractive younger women cos you peaked! I’m just another in that line, whilst your line got done over in seconds! I strip off clothes for the camera, whilst you get stripped off for peasants! It’s a shame, shame, shame you’re acting Fifty Shades of Cray all the time! Making Mountains out of monsters, and letting Qyburn revive your rhymes! You couldn’t pay me to be Jaime and sleep in this mad queen foe’s bed! Your flow is deader than Myrcella when she found out that her nose bled! I took Hollywood by storm! Your storm ends here, if you ever had one! My star partner doesn’t rape me like some borish, boring Baratheon! I’m a socialite! You’re a white trash serving wench trying to top me! Pour some drink into my glass, bitch! I won’t go and choke like Joffrey! Category:Blog posts